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Get Help

What does relationship abuse look like?

Does the person you are in a relationship with...

  • Embarrass you with bad names and put-downs?

  • Look at you or act in ways that scare you?

  • Control what you do, who you see or talk to, or where you go?

  • Stop you from seeing or talking to friends or family?

  • Take your money or Social Security, make you ask for money, or refuse to give you money?

  • Make all the decisions?

  • Tell you you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?

  • Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?

  • Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?

  • Intimidate you with guns, knives, or other weapons?

  • Shove you, slap you or hit you?

  • Force you to drop charges?

  • Threaten to commit suicide?

  • Threaten to kill you?

How to leave

How to leave

  • Shelters for people and their children seeking safety, like the Relationship Safety Alliance, are the safest place. Going to a place the abuser knows endangers the victim as well as those providing shelter. Call us: 218-828-1216 or 888-777-1248.

  • Seek professional help. Relationship abuse victims can seek protection from the court.

  • In cases of immediate danger or injury, call your local emergency services (911) and tell them that domestic violence is involved.

  • Survivors of abuse often make several failed attempts to leave the abusive situation before succeeding.

  • Do people have to pay to stay at the shelter?
    No. Thanks to our generous community and funders, we never charge clients for any of our services.
  • Can I bring my children?
    Yes, of course. We have a playroom for younger children and Foster Grandmothers to give them special attention. Older children attend school.
  • Do you provide transportation? Will you pick me up at my house?
    We do not go to people's homes. People come to the shelter by taxi (218-828-1111) or Dial-A-Ride city bus (218-825-7433) or are brought by friends, other agencies, pastors, Sheriff/Police Department, etc. If you can't figure out how to get to the shelter, call us, and we'll help you to arrange transportation.
  • Who does the cooking/cleaning/child care?
    The clients staying here sign up for daily chores such as cooking and cleaning. Our Foster Grandparents can provide some childcare, but residents also often babysit for each other.
  • Has anyone ever tried to break in?
    There has never been a successful break-in. Abusers do, occasionally, come to the shelter. Advocates warn the abusers that they are trespassing; if they don’t leave, staff will call the police department.
  • What kind of security measures does the shelter have?
    We have a high-tech security system with an alarm and double door entry system. And we have a good working relationship with our local police department, whose officers respond within minutes to our calls for assistance.
  • What is the average length of stay?
    The average length of stay is about 2 weeks. This takes into consideration women who stay overnight and those who stay for a month or more.
  • Do you only take clients from Crow Wing County?
    No. Although we are located in Crow Wing County, we do not have residency requirements. We serve clients from anywhere who are fleeing violence.
  • What can I do if I’m experiencing relationship violence?
    •Prepare what to say if a partner becomes violent. •Choose a safe place to go if an argument occurs. Avoid rooms with no exits or rooms with weapons. •Prepare and memorize a list of safe phone numbers. Have a code word so family and friends know when assistance is needed.
  • I think I know someone who is being abused. How can I help?
    •Listen to what they tell you. •Believe them. •Validate their feelings. •Avoid victim-blaming. •Take their fears seriously. •Offer help, but don’t promise what you can’t give. •Be an active, creative partner in a safety planning effort. •Support their decisions. •Suggest contact with a professional in the field or confidential hotline for additional information and support. •Tell them that they deserve a life free from violence.
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